Thursday, August 12, 2010

The Jew-Girl inside of Me

Ahhh…. a quiet moment alone…my daughter finally released me from her presence and my hubby flew out the door to band practice…his metal band has a gig this saturday night at the Troc in our city… since i don't want either of them involved in reading this blog, i have to do this on the down LO, and such a thing is not as easy as you’d think. but tonight, ahhhh some free ME time. oh wait…teenager knocked on door twice, AND stole my bed blanket…hers is just going into the dryer now…see how this all works??? Its a good thing i’m not sleepy eh?? cuz my bedroom AC is kickin out some freeziness!!! (BTW old AC is still sitting in the same position – u know the one hubby trips over every night before getting into bed?? lol)
naturally….because of this free time i’m at a loss of what to write or bitch about, so i’ll just ramble on, and hopefully you’ll keep reading. lol
so…this week my daughter discovered the comedienne Sarah Silverman. She loves this woman’s comedy, splashed with racial jokes and stereotypes, mixed with jewish humor and real life situations, which she somehow twists to into humor…. so we watched a bunch of her stand up routines and videos that she’s made … like “give the jew girl toys” TOO FUNNY…
so my new husband is jewish. but i wish he was a religious jew. ok well then we might not be married, so maybe a lil half religious? u know…do like the catholics and go to church on xmas and easter….? or in his case…to synagogue for Passover and Yom Kippur?? lol  in reality, all i realllly want is to DO hannukka !! Or Channuka. i dunno…my spell check is telling me that jew is not a word. and it’s also telling me that i’m spelling jewish christmas wrong. ok well whatever…so i’m in a christian neighborhood in my city and i went looking for a menorah so that we could light the candles. the menorah is my favorite part of Hannuka. well…its the only part i know, and i really DONT know the whole ritual/stories/prayers that go with it, but i’m looking into it. So i’ve said to hubby, for the past so many years, lets do Hannuka…!!! To which he says NO WAYYY i dont do religion. but he does christmas with us?? hmmmmm ok. i wanna do hannuka. i want 7 days of gifts, or favors, or speciallll favors hehehehe, or some twist on the ole tradition. SPEAKING OF TRADITION!!! i went to the center city theatre and saw the musical “Fiddler on the Roof”. I’m a theatre whore now….i MUST go back…but i digress….back to the menorah. i honestly dont know which scares hubby more….the religion or the 7 days of gifting…lmfao. so back to the shopping…i couldnt find a menorah anywhereeeee not even a cheezy plastic one…not even at the DOLLAR store!!!! wtf. the only ones i could find were online. and omg, if u google menorahs, you will find HUNDREDS of beauties…made of all different substances…from wood, to metal, to hand-blown glass, the list is fantastic and the styles were from traditional to abstract!!
here’s two of my favorites:

I think i’ll buy the top one this year, our first year married will be in November….hannuka will be shortly afterwards…sometime in december….and frankly, i wish i had ignored him and just gotten a menorah anyhow and celebrated whether he liked it or not. Seriously, if he were a practicing jew, i’d probably give up my jesuis for him. well, sorta. lol. i’d convert to judaism, as long as they dont out right as me to deny , my jesus in a swear or anything…lol  ok well anyhow….what i’m trying to say is…i find the whole jewish culture very interesting…and esp their traditions…and since his parents are no longer in alive, even if they themselves werent practicing jews, their sons should AT LEAST carry on the traditions, if not the religion…. i should be jewish. i like flat bread, latkes,circumsized penises and 7 days of presents…a girl could get used to such stuff!! hehehehehe  seriously, i was raised mormon. go figure. i dont practice that religion anymore, and quite frankly after what i read about how the mormon church proliferated proposition 8 in california…to define marriage as strictly between a man and a woman….i’m ashamed i was ever PART of that religion. sometimes i miss religion in my life. i have a very secret spiritual side that needs expressing…but i keep it hidden and suppress it because seriously…i dont think anyone would participate with me. maybe i’ll check out the unitarians. they are pretty non-denominational and non judgemental and free thinking…or so i’ve heard. but the lil jew girl inside of me doesnt want that. she wants to be jewish. special. CHOSEN.
Ok…so shout out here…i have a married friend whose wife is a semi-religious jewish woman….gimme some tips…you’ve been with her long enough to get to participate in these traditions….help me bring out my inner jew girl. c’mon. u know you want to. LMFAO
well, i'ts almost time for me to go watch some guidos and guidettes beat the shit outta each other on jersey shore, so peace out peeps!!!

Sunday, August 1, 2010

so many rants….so little time…

You know how you’re mom would’ve said, don’t listen to gossip, those people are just jealous or they have low self-esteem??
Well….i do believe that mom was right. But another funny thing is… the gossipers usually live in glass houses… have you noticed THAT bit of irony?? God, well i have!
For example, you might be calling you’re friend a cunt, but you are one yourself!! You might be blasting someone’s parenting skills, but you’re putting your lil angels to bed and then getting high while they sleep. Or you might be putting on airs, acting like your shit don’t stink, that you’re so preppy, but you were really born in the ghetto and just forget yourself….
This and much much more. And whatever happened to accountability? If I fuck up, I admit it. I don’t frantically look around at others and try to justify my wrongs thru theirs… HYPOTHETICALLY speaking…if your boss calls you out on the rug for some infraction, DONT go bringing MY name into it...comparing yourself to me (as IF).
So number ONE, how do YOU know what’s said to me and what isn't? and number 2, thaaaaaaaaats right bitches, i AM special…hypothetically speaking that is.
A friend of mine and i were talking about how my journal is going to be full of hypothetical events with no names attached and she said, you should’ve called your blog “the hypothetical blog”….funny, but i didnt want to change it, cause as we speak, chores are piling up on this lovely sunday. i must go abroad (my code word for go outside omg) this day and do some errands, but my lazy liza inner voice is saying nooooooooo. i think my inner voice is agoraphobic, esp since it thinks getting off the couch is akin to going abroad…. but i digress.
I had soo many rants for you on friday but i came home and vegged in front of the tv instead. The week just dragged on and friday busted my chops by lingering that last hour into infinity… hence the vegetative evening.
i know, i know, the flower is random, but pretty eh?
i’m watching Lethal Weapon as i blog. It came on right after Mel Gibson biography on the BIO channel. I have a love/hate ideal of Mel Gibson. I wish i could go back to the 80s and 90s when i had nothing but love for the handsome actor…but time marches on and so does Mel’s rage… :(  It was sooo disappointing to hear his drunken racial rants, and now his enraged racial rants at his trashy russian girlfriend, he’s just gone down fucking hill since he left his wife. She was his ROCK. She helped him get thru his ruff patches of alcoholism and stupidisms, and how does he repay her ?? by cheating on her with the russian floozy. I half think that the hate he is projecting at her is what he feels inside for himself…he must realize what a loser he’s turned into. Still i love/hate him. I can’t help it, i do. dammit mel, get it together.