Pretty Psyched!!!!!

I'M ON THE BRINK....

um....I believe this is Arnold S. with no teeth in his mouth. As disturbing as this is, I've got one better for you.
My friend X is separated from her husband and is currently dating. She goes on the website Plenty of Fish (been there, ugh, done that) to meet potential dates.
She met up with a guy approx 42 years old; divorced, nice-looking guy. Date #1, relatively successful. There were some things he told her that I wouldnt necessarily tell someone on a first date, but hey, she's like a confessional, whatever. She talks to him some more and he asks for date #2.
Now, here's the scene: he shows up, acting a little extra quiet, doesnt eat, then tries to kiss her goodnite later on and DOESNT HAVE HIS FALSE TEETH IN!!!
lmfao!!!! who does that ?????
Apparently he told her he had false teeth on the first date. Ok...it happens. She can overlook that, but not wearing them on the 2nd date?? and then you have the gall to lean in for a kiss? FUCK THAT!
Needless to say, she lost his number.
What would you have done????

Memories of Childhood at the Villas, NJ

This is a pic of my sister and I. I'm the tall one in the sailor girl dress...lol. I've worn this style dress twice in my childhood. Apparently I enjoyed it and thought I looked smart. LOL
This pic is taken "down the shore" which to us was always the Villas, NJ. My parents didnt vacation in Wildwood or Cape May, NJ, nooo, my mom's mother lived in the Villas, so that's where we always were on our trips to "the shore". As the house in the background shows, most houses in this small retirement community were one floor bungalows with a tiny living room, an eat in kitchen, a bathroom and two nice sized bedrooms. Every Easter and Thanksgiving we visited grandmom down the shore and stayed for that holiday weekend. Every summer we'd be down there most of the week. Grandmom would brave the winters by herself down there, as grandpop had died when I was just 3 or so. She loved our visits and loved us and hugged us so hard whenever we arrived. I dont ever remember her being truly mad at us or yelling at my parents, ever! My younger sister and I were allowed to, as we got older, go one block down the road to the bay shore. It was littered with horseshoe crabs and my favorite thing: tons and tons of ocean pebbles. All different sizes and shapes. I've collected them for years. I remember that the beach was on a downward slope from the road and we had to scoot down this slope, getting sand in our shoes. We had to wear shoes because the beach was littered with occasional glass and worse yet: sand burrs! They were extremely sharp and would be hard to extricate from a foot/shoe/sock etc...
I remember that shore house....the big back yard...my great aunt's house next door...my cousins would come down and we'd have others to play with. They had a swing set. We'd swing on it and sing songs. Mainly, the theme to The Greatest American Hero, and You Light up my Life! WOWWWW soo funny, we were some corny kids, but we had so much fun playing and dreaming.
My sister and I would play all kinds of board games, mainly chinese checkers (which is alot of fun) and cards--mainly WAR, which game could go on and on and on and onnnnn without a winner. I remember reading and loving to read outside. I remember singing Air Supply songs into the fan in my mother's room and hearing my voice go all funny from the fan rippling the air.
I remember Easter egg hunts, dyeing eggs, going to my grandmother's baptist church. I remember the smell of the shore....that damp, musty, salty smell....and my grandmom's damn moth balls in her armoire.
My sister took pics of these ancient pics my dad has of us as kids with her iphone and posted them; so naturally all these memories come flooding back: the wild honeysuckle that grew on the chain link fence between properties, the grass that grew as tall as me when noone lived next door--running thru that grass with wild wonder, the blue jays and robins, the seagulls and snails, the homemade rice pudding grandmom painstakingly made at the stove -- just for us -- every time we came down, the horrible violent thunderstorms, the allergies from freshly cut grass, the cot that my sister and i had to take turns sleeping on --one of us on the cot one night, in grandmoms bed with her the next, grandmoms snoring like a freight train!, grandmom playing rummicube (she loved that game) and kicking our ass, the wiiiiind at Thanksgiving that was cold and damp and wicked which made me feel alive, the beach when wicked winds came which made the otherwise quiet bay waters whitecap in a fury, the sandbars -- oh the wonder of them, singing songs in the car on the way to the shore, getting in fights with my sister on the way to the shore, my 11th birthday at the shore.... there's so much more....that i've probably forgotten.
more later...

A Case Against Religion....

Does it really do more good than harm? I don't believe that anymore.
http://www.youtube.com/user/richarddawkinsdotnet?ob=4&feature=results_main

I'm not atheist, but I get it. I get it when RD ridicules so called "religious" people. Most are either posers, or fanatics. Either one is cause to gasp in horror.

I'm not going to go against anyone's personal spiritual beliefs--we're all entitled. But just consider religion on the whole. What it's meant for humanity. Has it reeled in the masses to behave themselves?? NOT REALLY! We all "sin" and are imperfect beings! All it does is control through fear!!

So many atrocities are committed in "God's" name. Maybe "God" and our perceptions of him/her/it and our FEAR of him/her/it is what causes more evil and harm in our world than if we just were reasonable, ethical, moral people because it's the right way to be.

Wouldn't we have less prejudices against one another? If we all just scrapped religion. Just pretend those beliefs no longer matter and accept that we'll die and be at peace because we will no longer exist.  Would the world become a scarier place? Think hard on this. Our cultures despise one another...mostly due to religious dogmas. Religious fanatics kill in the name of "god". How is that moral? How is imposing your beliefs and withholding civil rights from another person moral? And coincidentally, as a person who's read the Bible, where does Jesus himself ever say not to have sex before marriage? Or that you should even BE married? Or that two men shouldn't marry? He said NONE OF THAT. Alot of the NT is writings of his apostles, post mortem. I'm sorry, but as loving as the Christ figure is, most Christians STILL DONT GET IT. Did not Jesus go to the hungry, despised Samaritan and offer him assistance when noone else would? Didnt he teach us to love one another? How did that message get drowned out by all the other bullshit and fire and brimstone? This is why personal spiritualism can exist, but religion must go. Fanaticism must go.

Religious rituals mean nothing. Sure, they have a symbolic meaning that noone ever gets or cares to think about. They just blindly do these things because its tradition, not belief.  I don't believe you need baptism, or confirmation, or any other religious ritual. Sure, it feels weird to abandon such rituals, because they are expected traditions, but it's also a relief to not be hypocritical anymore.

The sad thing is, like a lot of people, my soul yearns for a benevolent god. For the expectation of a reunion with my deceased loved ones. For the hope of a glorious eternity of wonder and learning and growing. I still hold out the hope for the possibility of such things, yet I cannot completely believe.  I don't think god needs ME to believe. And I dont believe he will punish me for my doubts. I also dont believe he cares what i eat and dont eat (re: Lent). Whenever people ask me if I'm eating meat during Lent I say proudly, God Loves ME no matter WHAT i eat!! To which I laugh out loud.
Perhaps next year I should say, there is no god, so I eat what I want! Wouldn't THAT shock the "hell" out of them!!!

Does anyone remember when we all used this? Does anyone remember AOL Journals? I had one, and to have one meant you had a community. I made many friends that I followed onto Myspace (remember that?) and on to Facebook.  It's been over ten years I think since I started my AOL journal and then one day, they were gone. Supposedly we were warned that the journals were being deleted, but I didnt know! I think the least they could've done was to ask for email verification that your account was going to be deleted OR they couldve emailed your entire blog as an attachment to whatever email account you opened it with!
All those thoughts, secrets made public, memories, gone... THOSE FUCKERS! 
Now that I got that out of my system, I am feeling quite lonely in this new blogosphere. Noone comments like back in the old days, and we're all spread out under different blog spots, so i'm not too happy. Before, I had all my favorite blogs right there in one spot to click onto. Now I don't know quite how to use this one as far as adding favorites that don't belong to blogger. Maybe I just havent organized, but I don't have all my bloggers together like I used to, and I miss that. A lot.
In more important matters, I'm having family problems with my mother. She has vascular dementia and she's been sent to a "home" to "convalesce", however, all she seems to be doing is harrassing their staff and now their other residents.  Seems to me they could be just not wanting to watch after a "difficult" patient, but she definitely has them riled up.  She got sent 2 times to the ER because they couldn't handle her and wanted her to be evaluated. But the ER psych doctor called me and said she is not exhibiting violent or suicidal or bizarre behavior, so they cannot 302 her or force her to do anything; they could only send her back to the home. Then the doctor called me back and said the nursing staff didnt want to readmit her back to the home because they're afraid she'll do the same shit she did earlier -- delusions, hallucinations and paranoias, aggressive behavior (pulled someone's hair/knocked something over/threatened to him someone) and imagining people were out to get her....its so sad, because i'm trying to tell these people...this ISNT my mom...my mom never had psychiatric problems...it's the dementia ... and it will come and go and they cannot keep throwing her to the ER when they are at their wits end! The psych dr said it sounded like they were "dumping" her at the ER because they couldnt or didnt know how to handle her behavior and that they should 302 her to a psych unit if they feel she is that out of control. But, they don't want to have to 302 her because then they would have to appear in court with their documents and would have to validate their decision. So instead they have my mom like a goddamn ping pong ball, and it's GOT to stop.
I have to call their social worker to talk to him tomorrow and see how her behavior is. The night nurse, DOTTIE.... i hope my mom DOES rip her bloody hair out that bitch. hehehehe Hows THAT for positive thinking??
more later...

My Day to be Positive!!

That's my little Krusty Buddy. When we brought this cat in from the WILDS of the South Philly alley, he looked very crusty, dirty and sick. Now look how handsome he is! And look how plush his white fur is.

I know it's random, but today is a mental health day for me. No, I didn't take off from work, instead, I told myself from the moment I woke up: I am going to see things positive today! No whining, no weeping or wailing, no bitching and moaning; just : a pleasant day.  I had to consciously redirect my thoughts quite a few times, but I managed. Work was pleasant, home is pleasant and I'm grilling outside in my little cement yard on my laptop with my potted rosebushes surrounding me. One already has 13 buds on it!!!

Alot has happened since I last wrote. I have had a lot going on in my personal and professional life, but it's too much to get into today. Instead of talking about this incessantly (my professional worries) i'll write them down so I don't get myself into too much of a tizzy.

I've pretty much observed that there are many things in life that are completely out of my control. Including my friends and family...i can't make anyone do anything, nor can i make them believe what they don't want to believe. A close friend of mine cut me off suddenly because of a misunderstanding She didn't even give me time to explain. At first I cried, then I got angry, now I'm just accepting what I cannot change. I apologized and made recompense. Hey, if it's good enough for god.....why isn't it good enough for YOU??? Eh, it is what it is and I cannot change it.  As fucked up as I sometimes believe I am, I am realizing that we all are a little sketchy; everyone has their hangups and mental/personality issues, and NO unfortunately Rodney King: We CANNOT all just get along.

Not unless, that is, we decide to care just a little less, be a little less egotistical, less aggressive, less assuming, more inquiring, more forgiving, slower to anger. As i wrote that last sentence i realized its structure wasn't quite correct, but you know what? I'm forgiving myself. I am allowing my ego to realize that I am NOT perfect, and never will be.

Someone I admire truly doubted my intelligence the other day. I mean, she totally said a smart person could get something over on me. While its true I'm not of the devious mindset, I am not stupid! I told her that I was sorry she felt that way, and that just because she believes its true, doesn't make it true. My ego was so brutally wounded, but I fought my way back out of depression and hurt, and pat myself on the back and said, you will come back from this...you will survive and thrive and no one can tell you who you are but YOU.

Well I'm rambling on, my grilled chicken is crying to come off the grill and the daylight is waning.

Hey, Wait! I got a new complaint.....

Cyclists of Philadelphia: this is not China. We do not want your goddamn bike lanes clogging up the traffic. We don't want you bobbing and weaving in-between cars and lanes. We don't want your blood on our tires or windshields.

Why oh why can't they ride on the pavements? Which is worse--a pedaled down pedestrian, or a driven-over cyclist? You choose. Choose wisely.

P.S. Dear cyclist: do NOT under ANY circumstances bike on streets without a bike lane. If you're gonna do that anyway, I'm going to either A: picket city hall to do away with your fucking lanes or B: run you the hell over.

Here's an idea: walk, bus, or drive. Leave the bikes for the countryside or park.

My GOD i hate cyclists, especially before I've had my morning coffee. Get the hell out of the road!!!