I just got back from my night class - Sociology 101. As interesting as it is and i knew it would be, it's depressing as well. Todays subject was on social and global stratification. Basically--the patterns of social inequality in the world....via caste system, or class systems....economic systems....just just depressing. I mean, why if Nike (for example) cant employee slave labor in the USA is it ok for them to do it in a third world country. Giving the desperate some economic growth is inspiring, but not if it's child labor or pennies per hour...it makes me sick to the stomach that this is even legal. As good as our society can be at times, and as much as we try to be a Meritocracy...there is still so much inequality. Doesnt the Constitution state we are all born equal in the eyes of God?? i know we are a capitalist society, and as such we are all about the bottom dollar, but what about humanity? What about the peoples of the world who are exploited and stepped on? It makes me want to cry. The world is such a complex place, i wish i had the time and energy and effort to learn more about it. I'm trying. I'm going to school. But it depresses me to hear about the things I feel i cannot change. Inequality and desperation fuel me and yet i have no direction to go in.
Once upon a time...as a young child, I saw a "lil mouse" under a parked car outside of my city home, and in the background, a cat stalking it. I reached out my hand for this "lil mouse" to "save it" from the mean cat. It came to me and bit my hand!!
I ran into the house and all hell broke loose. My parents were having a party and my dad and a couple of my uncles came out with brooms and other equipment bound on catching the "lil mouse" which was actually a small rat!!! They found it and beat it as i cried. Little did i know that if they hadnt i'd have had to have gotten those dreaded 20 or so needles into my stomach (or so was the rumor if you caught rabies).
Ever since then, my mom would say, STAY AWAY FROM THE charity cases!! Take care of yourself, stop trying to SAVE everyone!!! LOL STORY OF MY LIFE!!!! being bit for trying to be helpful. blah.
i have to do a ten page term paper on a sociological subject, i picked genocide. I am interested in the topic and it hits me emotionally. I recently met a holocaust survivor at the bat mitzvah that my hubby and i just attended last month. Her name is Sonia Kaplan, and she wrote a book about her life that i have to read. My professor also suggested i read this book called, Night. The problem i have with writing this paper is that it has to be OBJECTIVE. a research paper. how can you f'ing be objective about genocide??? wtf??? I had to pick a subject to substantiate, such as, what sociological conditions must be in place for a genocide to evolve? or what role did the economic conditions of the society play in the fostering of the evil of genocide? I am going to look at the Holocaust (which haunts me for some reason) and Rwanda (which also haunts me).
Do i just have a depressing disturbed case of the macabre? Because frightening social effects have interested me ...such as Hiroshima and Nagosaki...or is this just a fate of having older parents who lived thru these events and were always talking about them or watching old war movies....(esp my dad). My parents best friends were jewish and so we always had great respect for jewish people. I used to think that i'd lived thru Hiroshima or Nagosaki because i have had NUMEROUS dreams of being in a nuclear war. I do not know why but i've dreamed very often of it and in such realistic detail. I also recall being dead so quick i thought i was still alive until i realized i could fly, etc. These dreams scare me but also amaze me because they give me hope of an afterlife.
god i digress....
interesting topics. and so i must research all i can about nazi germany and rwanda, africa to find similarities in their societies and therefore make my case whatever my "case" winds up being....such as there must be economic or social stress in the society for this to occur. Or there must be desperation and fear to allow it to continue. i dunno. sometimes i wish that god, if there is one, would come down here and just let us go back to the garden of eden where the lamb could lie back down with the lion and feel safe....where we could be innocent again. where there would be peace and beauty and love and not the ugly materialistic dirty nasty meanness that is reality. my heart sighs. my soul is sad.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Total Chaos
I know it's been a while since I've written. Please don't expect me to be smart, or clever, or witty today. It's not that I'm in a BAD mood, its just there are SO many things going on, I feel like my brain is developing ADD!! At work, things have actually gotten better between our warring factions...we're more at peace and friendlier to each other, for the time being. People got hired, people got fired, and me? I can't seem to keep up lately. Every time I "fix" one problem, another pops up. People come to me left and right. Liza whats this? Can you read this doctor's handwriting? What's this mean? Can you help this patient? Do we accept this insurance? Why isnt this paid? and it goes on and on and on. I just want to be left alone sometimes. I mean, I LIKE to help people, but it's a constant barrage and i'm NOT a superviser or manager, so WHY OH WHY do people always come to ME???? ughhhh. I can't even walk in the halls or down the street without people asking me things. I must be either, EXTREMELY smart-looking, or Extremely helpful (prob the 2nd). Either way, it gets to be a bit much. The WORST is when I DONT KNOW THE ANSWER! oh how i HATE to say the words, "I don't know". Sometimes i find myself guessing into an answer, then i say, but i'm not sure, you might want to check on that. ?? really? is that an answer?? LOL What can i say? People think i'm a genius. Who am I to dissuade them??
Speaking of genius!!! I ran into my professor from last term, and I said, "Hi Jack".
He said, "Oh...hiiii, i miss you! you're brilliant". That made my day! By this I think he means he likes my writing, because we all know, i'm no goddamn genius. shhhh
Maybe he doesn't know that...hehehehe I'll definitely be taking another class with him, possibly next term, if he has any classes. Maybe I'll email him and ask him what class he's teaching for summer term...
On to more troubling news...
my poor 78 year old mother is having problems taking care of herself, my poor dad is trying to do it, but needs help. I feel bad but can't be there as much as I'd like to. Between trying to do overtime at work, class, kid, husband, house and home remodeling, and now the GYM, i don't have much time to spend with them. :( My mom is starting to lose her ability to do simple sentence structure. By this I mean when she's talking to me, it takes her a longggg time to finish her sentence because EVERY other word she forgets it. I am helping her remember common everyday words, which makes me extremely sad. My mother was always a bright, educated, talented, sharp tongued woman and to see her regress into a ditz really makes me sad. I shouldnt say ditz. Shame on me. As she ages she is losing her dignity and its sad and pathetic and annoying and depressing and the older she gets, the younger and more fragile she seems, almost like a baby who needs extra tender care. My dad is 12 years younger than my mom and is very tired of attending to her. Sometimes he can seem downright mean to her, but she CAN be difficult and it's not hard walking in his shoes either. But like I said to him, for years she had two jobs taking care of you and your children, and this house; now that its your turn you want to balk? No i dont think so sir. Recently they have a nurse and a physical therapist visit with her at least once or twice a week so that's good. I'd rather she go during the day to the senior center --just so she can have someone to talk to!! She's house-bound and that would drive ME insane....with hardly anyone to talk to since my dad works long hours....the senior center would pick her up, give her lunch, and she could hang out with the old folks, play her board games, but nooo she doesnt want to, she'd rather sit alone. Agoraphobic much?? I'd say so.
On the other end of the spectrum there's my daughter, who's 14 and her best friend just found out yesterday that she's pregnant. She's scared to death to tell her mom and grandmom and wants an abortion. After scoping things out today, my Scootle (daughter's nickname) and her friend realized this cannot be done without a parent's consent and alot of money. Needless to say its a scary, health and mind-threatening medical procedure that should not be undertaken by minors without an adult there to guide them and make sure they're not in some goddamn quack's office (case in point: the north philly abortion doctor with the office of frankenstein and the high-school drop out as the anesthesiologist). I'm glad in PA you need a parent's consent or a judge's waiver of it. At least you know your kid isnt out there without any help seeking a potentially dangerous procedure on her own!! sheeeeesh. I'm so glad this isnt my kid. My kid said to me, "Believe it or not mom, you did raise a smart kid". phewwww
Supposedly the friend is telling her mom tomorrow and wants my daughter there for support when she tells her family. eeks. JUNO this is NOT. ughhhh
On a lighter note, I've started an exercise plan at my local gym. I've actually gone monday and tuesday morning before 7 to work out. This is amazing to me since i am NOT a morning person...but somehow I manage to get up and drive the 30 blocks to this gym. The workout in the morning leaves my brain cleared and my mood elevated, so it does seem to be helping with stress already...i'm skipping tomorrow because my legs are killing me and need a rest from the treadmill, elliptical machine and stepper. I've taken so many tylenol over the last 24 hrs I might just be keeping that company in business with my gym chronicles. Speaking of gym chronicles, this morning as I walked in my nemesis was walking out. I cheerily said HI, and she barely answered me -- she was so shocked to see me. She was probably wondering why this fat chick is going to her gym...god i hate that girl. She's already got the degree I want and a cushy job to boot, which she takes advantage of along with her staff, i cannot freakin STAND her!!! evil nemesis named jen. begone bad spirit!!!!
I hope I dont run into her in the morning again. I dont think i can stomach being nice to her again. I might fucking ignore her next time. Yes, i will. Jeeze Liza, jealous much????
Other things lately: i went to my first Bat Mitzvah for my husband's cousin's kid in Maryland a couple weekends ago, and it was so awesome. The lil jew girl inside of me wanted to come out, but my husband, the irreverent child, was making fun with another cousin whilst i sat there with tears in my eyes. What can i say? Religious occasions make me emotional. People start talking about god and all the good things they want for their child, and i just LOSE IT. lol The party was freakin awesome. They must've spent a hundred grand on it!!
More later. Intruder.
Speaking of genius!!! I ran into my professor from last term, and I said, "Hi Jack".
He said, "Oh...hiiii, i miss you! you're brilliant". That made my day! By this I think he means he likes my writing, because we all know, i'm no goddamn genius. shhhh
Maybe he doesn't know that...hehehehe I'll definitely be taking another class with him, possibly next term, if he has any classes. Maybe I'll email him and ask him what class he's teaching for summer term...
On to more troubling news...
my poor 78 year old mother is having problems taking care of herself, my poor dad is trying to do it, but needs help. I feel bad but can't be there as much as I'd like to. Between trying to do overtime at work, class, kid, husband, house and home remodeling, and now the GYM, i don't have much time to spend with them. :( My mom is starting to lose her ability to do simple sentence structure. By this I mean when she's talking to me, it takes her a longggg time to finish her sentence because EVERY other word she forgets it. I am helping her remember common everyday words, which makes me extremely sad. My mother was always a bright, educated, talented, sharp tongued woman and to see her regress into a ditz really makes me sad. I shouldnt say ditz. Shame on me. As she ages she is losing her dignity and its sad and pathetic and annoying and depressing and the older she gets, the younger and more fragile she seems, almost like a baby who needs extra tender care. My dad is 12 years younger than my mom and is very tired of attending to her. Sometimes he can seem downright mean to her, but she CAN be difficult and it's not hard walking in his shoes either. But like I said to him, for years she had two jobs taking care of you and your children, and this house; now that its your turn you want to balk? No i dont think so sir. Recently they have a nurse and a physical therapist visit with her at least once or twice a week so that's good. I'd rather she go during the day to the senior center --just so she can have someone to talk to!! She's house-bound and that would drive ME insane....with hardly anyone to talk to since my dad works long hours....the senior center would pick her up, give her lunch, and she could hang out with the old folks, play her board games, but nooo she doesnt want to, she'd rather sit alone. Agoraphobic much?? I'd say so.
On the other end of the spectrum there's my daughter, who's 14 and her best friend just found out yesterday that she's pregnant. She's scared to death to tell her mom and grandmom and wants an abortion. After scoping things out today, my Scootle (daughter's nickname) and her friend realized this cannot be done without a parent's consent and alot of money. Needless to say its a scary, health and mind-threatening medical procedure that should not be undertaken by minors without an adult there to guide them and make sure they're not in some goddamn quack's office (case in point: the north philly abortion doctor with the office of frankenstein and the high-school drop out as the anesthesiologist). I'm glad in PA you need a parent's consent or a judge's waiver of it. At least you know your kid isnt out there without any help seeking a potentially dangerous procedure on her own!! sheeeeesh. I'm so glad this isnt my kid. My kid said to me, "Believe it or not mom, you did raise a smart kid". phewwww
Supposedly the friend is telling her mom tomorrow and wants my daughter there for support when she tells her family. eeks. JUNO this is NOT. ughhhh
On a lighter note, I've started an exercise plan at my local gym. I've actually gone monday and tuesday morning before 7 to work out. This is amazing to me since i am NOT a morning person...but somehow I manage to get up and drive the 30 blocks to this gym. The workout in the morning leaves my brain cleared and my mood elevated, so it does seem to be helping with stress already...i'm skipping tomorrow because my legs are killing me and need a rest from the treadmill, elliptical machine and stepper. I've taken so many tylenol over the last 24 hrs I might just be keeping that company in business with my gym chronicles. Speaking of gym chronicles, this morning as I walked in my nemesis was walking out. I cheerily said HI, and she barely answered me -- she was so shocked to see me. She was probably wondering why this fat chick is going to her gym...god i hate that girl. She's already got the degree I want and a cushy job to boot, which she takes advantage of along with her staff, i cannot freakin STAND her!!! evil nemesis named jen. begone bad spirit!!!!
I hope I dont run into her in the morning again. I dont think i can stomach being nice to her again. I might fucking ignore her next time. Yes, i will. Jeeze Liza, jealous much????
Other things lately: i went to my first Bat Mitzvah for my husband's cousin's kid in Maryland a couple weekends ago, and it was so awesome. The lil jew girl inside of me wanted to come out, but my husband, the irreverent child, was making fun with another cousin whilst i sat there with tears in my eyes. What can i say? Religious occasions make me emotional. People start talking about god and all the good things they want for their child, and i just LOSE IT. lol The party was freakin awesome. They must've spent a hundred grand on it!!
More later. Intruder.
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