Hey, Wait! I got a new complaint.....

Cyclists of Philadelphia: this is not China. We do not want your goddamn bike lanes clogging up the traffic. We don't want you bobbing and weaving in-between cars and lanes. We don't want your blood on our tires or windshields.

Why oh why can't they ride on the pavements? Which is worse--a pedaled down pedestrian, or a driven-over cyclist? You choose. Choose wisely.

P.S. Dear cyclist: do NOT under ANY circumstances bike on streets without a bike lane. If you're gonna do that anyway, I'm going to either A: picket city hall to do away with your fucking lanes or B: run you the hell over.

Here's an idea: walk, bus, or drive. Leave the bikes for the countryside or park.

My GOD i hate cyclists, especially before I've had my morning coffee. Get the hell out of the road!!!
 

Pro-create or No Pro-Create?

A coworker of mine is having twins! She's hanging in there and I'm so proud of her! I've considered having another child. Upon asking several close persons for their opinions, I wish I'd never asked... why would you want another one--your daughter's almost grown? don't you think you're too old? do you really have enough money for that? don't you have enough to do? are you healthy enough?  AND THE COMMENTS GO ON AND ON. Some a lot ruder than others I must add.  New hubby deserves new baby. I thought he didn't want one, but we discussed and during such discussion I heard longings. "I'd spoil my kid, I'd take him/her everywhere with me."  -- does that sound like someone that doesn't want any children? hmmmm
I have a consultation with a doctor. After that I'll re-consider and evaluate my situation from her point of view.
I guess I'll just add hers onto the already piled high list of advice AGAINST pro-creating again 15 years later.
Is there anyone out there that will encourage me? Does anyone have anything positive to say?? ughhhhhhhhhhhh
 

Sleep Reading

I feel like the above student. I can't keep my eyes open. I hate that I have two classes on Wednesdays! One in-class, and one online. I like them both but my online class is kicking my ass and putting my love of reading to the test.
The mere fact that I'm writing here and not reading there attests to the boredom and snoredom of said reading. UGH.

Washington Square in Philadelphia

My Philadelphia & the Arts class (which is taught by the sociable and suave Professor Jack Byer) took a tour tonight of Washington Square. I just finished writing one of my essays on the square and on it's monument, "The tomb of the Unknown Soldier." See pics below:

The statue is of our first president George Washington and is a replica of a famous bronze statue by artist Jean Antoine Houdon. The words behind the statue, in case you can't read them say, "Freedom is a light for which many men have died in darkness." And as if that wasn't poignant enough, this statement also strives to break my heart (and is written on top of the stone coffin shown behind the eternal flame) : Beneath this stone rests a soldier of Washington's army who died to give you liberty.

One word: wow.

The last paragraph of my essay on this subject, which contains elaboration of my WOW, is shown in the paragraph below.

A few years ago I had appointments to go after work, and I would find myself walking on a diagonal path through this park. I would stare up at the trees as I walked. The trees surely have been there for more than a hundred years!  The sheer size and majesty of them attests to my theory!  In my walks through the park, I had the opportunity and leisure to observe the Monument of the Unknown Soldier.  On the big wall of stone behind the statue of the president it reads: Freedom is a light for which many men have died in darkness.  These poignant words struck me deep in my heart and made me misty-eyed and proud.  I found it immensely touching that recognition was given to these unknown soldiers, each who might’ve traveled great lengths only to die and be buried in nameless, uncounted, unmarked graves.  How proud such a soldier must be, gazing down from the heavenly blue sky, peeking through the leafy treetops, to see the eternal flame. This burning blaze serving as a beacon, beckoning to his wounded soul; he surely must know now, that he was not forgotten…

...and they call me the Dutchess!

You know how they say, "Things will get worse before they get better" ? 

What an understatement! 
 

My house is a total disaster. Not only do i still need an effin maid, but I also need a designer, an organizer, and a motivator! Right now, we're "under construction" and it feels like it will never-ever end! I probably should not be complaining. It's my excuse for not doing things I should be doing. It's just going to get dust on it after you sand that spackle now isn't it? Ahhh, the justifications of the slothful; they are what is truly never-ending!

My husband is the contractor, so I get my labor for free. How sweet is that? VERY! He isn't going to disappear, or charge me big bucks to do the job, but the man is working 7 days a week, sometimes two different jobs in the same day!! I'm lucky if I can get him to work a whole day at our house!  Right now we're in the middle of a living room remodel and the walls are not completed yet (still some spackle marks and unpainted spots) and we didn't get our new flooring yet NOR our new furniture. So now it's September, and my daughter turned 15. Time to stop calling her Scootle I guess. I'll revert to my other alias of her, Lina. She asked us to re-do her room for her birthday, you know: new paint, new flooring, new ceiling, new bed, new everything. Yes I think she's aware that this is costing us over a grand to do. She is one of those chicks that will forever look at herself in the mirror and proclaim with absolute certainty (just as in the Loreal commercials):

Yes, I'm worth it!  

Well goodie goodie gumdrops and sprinkles for HER.

As for me, I am sleeping in what I regularly call, "the third world country." ( I 
bought this house before I knew my handy hubby.) Since I moved in and ripped up the carpets in my bedroom, they have stayed that way. I started to paint my room dark dark blue, but never did the 2nd coat nor cut it in because? Because I decided I didn't like the effin color after all, but did I do anything about it? NO! Instead I carpeted and painted my daughter's bedroom and made it look all girly and cute. Now I'm doing it again, 7 years later, and voila....still the 3rd world country theme in my bedroom. And it's not just the bad, unfinished paint job or the cracked uneven wooden flooring, but its also the mis-matched furniture, the lack of a closet, and a bay window area that has cracking ugly textured plaster, and rotted wood windowsills. And they call ME the Dutchess?

Excuse me for expecting the Dutchess to not only have a maid, but also a beautiful decor and comfy surroundings...!  My daughter, the princess, is the real royalty around here! Yes, I could've complained to my ever-patient loving hubby that I need a re-do, but as most parents do, we put ourselves last.

Which brings me to the story of the new animated pic to the right (and below) that says, "Dutchess".


Hosted on Fotki



For years, my sister has been the self-proclaimed "Princess", yes with a capital P.  In jest, I said, "Well what does that make ME?? .... The Dutchess?"  This brought about laughs from both my sister and my father, and so my sister, who does PSP (not pcp) made up that animated poster for me to tell everyone my status.

I think it's a lie. I think I'm really the scullery maid and nobody really wants to point it out. The truth can just be so.....ugly.

Evanescence!!

Oct,30,2011: Upcoming Evanescence performing at the House of Blues, AC!
I just bought 3 tickets, I'm so excited! If you look at previous entries I've made some video entries of them. Here's another of my favorite video's of theirs:

This one's for you Jack....

Jack, my professor, mentioned (graciously I might add) that he "missed my blogs." So ..this one's for you Jack.

Tonight we did a walking tour of different "Public Art" around the city of Philadelphia. Because of the hour, and because my mind has since digressed, I plan to talk about this tour and provide pictures in a later blog.

After finally getting home, I realized I had online work to do in my Anthropology 101 class. The textbook we are using is, "Cultural Anthropology in a Globalizing World" by Barbara Miller. In each chapter there are different cultural stories and I read one on the San peoples of southern Africa...how they've been displaced and driven off of their own land. I decided to cut and paste my "rant" that i posted on the electronic blackboard, mostly because I am too tired to re-rant!!! LOL (yes i made up a word and i'm using it dammit!!)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I really feel for the San peoples, as well as for the Native Americans. These indigenous people were unrightfully displaced. It's quite an embarrassment to the "civilized" western culture, that in order for our society to emerge and expand we had to take advantage of the natives of the Americas, as well as the natives of Africa and used them both to build our nation. Where would we be without the contributions of those peoples? Dead and broke is where we'd be. When we boast about being "the greatest nation on earth" we should in our hearts give recognition to and thanks to all the people that we came to step upon in order for our nation to exist! I'm so very grateful for our country, but I am embarrassed of it's beginnings and it's disregard and advantageous use of native peoples in its stretch for greatness. Our "mother country" England, no doubt taught us such behavior, as for EVER they have butt in on other cultures, colonized, and in some cases (like the Dutch in Rwanda) have ruined a nation and caused irreversible damage to societies with utter and complete disregard for anyone but themselves and their goals. I suppose that in that great time of exploration, those exploring were quite ignorant of what they saw to be primitive. Today, however, as "enlightened" as we are on matters of human rights, people are still continually used and stepped on and raped of their country's natural resources for foreign gain. I was SO glad to read that the San people had an advocate that sued the pharmaceutical companies that produce hoodia for the western world. Why should we ever go onto someone else's land and use their resources and not compensate them for it? Just because their economies may be SO desperate for money that they will work for pennies on the dollar, doesn't mean that western corporations should be allowed to employ them so cheaply and exploit them so grossly. Perhaps I should go work for a transnational advocacy group and forget the trivials of billing and management! When I read about the indignities of the world it makes my problems and concerns seem so small...!

School's OUT !! for the week.... :(

I'll find out my Soc 101 grade hopefully by this Friday. I'm expecting....probably... and A- at worst. At best, a regular A would make me happy. The only grade I got back was the midterm which was a high A so i'm hoping she liked my paper and my final....ugh the anticipation kills me sometimes... i hope i got an A of some sort!!!!

Tomorrow I'm going to meet with the academic councillor at Jefferson. I'm so damn nervous about applying for school, and i sadly realized that i have twice as many classes to take before graduating that i thought i had to take, so now i'm pretty bummed. It might take me another 4 years to finish unless i really take the reins and buckle down and take 3 classes a semester. ughhh. two was bad enuff. stressing.

Boss is out this week, i'm doing her job. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr . i know i know i digress. its what i freaking do when i ramble on.

anyhow, gotta dip. dip into bed, into slumber ...hopefully that lasts longer than 2 hrs at a pop. well ttyl when i have more details about the college plans....and the work week

Sociology 101

I just got back from my night class - Sociology 101. As interesting as it is and i knew it would be, it's depressing as well. Todays subject was on social and global stratification. Basically--the patterns of social inequality in the world....via caste system, or class systems....economic systems....just just depressing. I mean, why if Nike (for example) cant employee slave labor in the USA is it ok for them to do it in a third world country. Giving the desperate some economic growth is inspiring, but not if it's child labor or pennies per hour...it makes me sick to the stomach that this is even legal. As good as our society can be at times, and as much as we try to be a Meritocracy...there is still so much inequality. Doesnt the Constitution state we are all born equal in the eyes of God?? i know we are a capitalist society, and as such we are all about the bottom dollar, but what about humanity? What about the peoples of the world who are exploited and stepped on? It makes me want to cry. The world is such a complex place, i wish i had the time and energy and effort to learn more about it. I'm trying. I'm going to school. But it depresses me to hear about the things I feel i cannot change. Inequality and desperation fuel me and yet i have no direction to go in.

Once upon a time...as a young child, I saw a "lil mouse" under a parked car outside of my city home, and in the background, a cat stalking it. I reached out my hand for this "lil mouse" to "save it" from the mean cat. It came to me and bit my hand!!
I ran into the house and all hell broke loose. My parents were having a party and my dad and a couple of my uncles came out with brooms and other equipment bound on catching the "lil mouse" which was actually a small rat!!! They found it and beat it as i cried. Little did i know that if they hadnt i'd have had to have gotten those dreaded 20 or so needles into my stomach (or so was the rumor if you caught rabies).
Ever since then, my mom would say, STAY AWAY FROM THE charity cases!! Take care of yourself, stop trying to SAVE everyone!!! LOL STORY OF MY LIFE!!!! being bit for trying to be helpful. blah.

i have to do a ten page term paper on a sociological subject, i picked genocide. I am interested in the topic and it hits me emotionally. I recently met a holocaust survivor at the bat mitzvah that my hubby and i just attended last month. Her name is Sonia Kaplan, and she wrote a book about her life that i have to read. My professor also suggested i read this book called, Night. The problem i have with writing this paper is that it has to be OBJECTIVE. a research paper. how can you f'ing be objective about genocide??? wtf??? I had to pick a subject to substantiate, such as, what sociological conditions must be in place for a genocide to evolve? or what role did the economic conditions of the society play in the fostering of the evil of genocide? I am going to look at the Holocaust (which haunts me for some reason) and Rwanda (which also haunts me).
Do i just have a depressing disturbed case of the macabre? Because frightening social effects have interested me ...such as Hiroshima and Nagosaki...or is this just a fate of having older parents who lived thru these events and were always talking about them or watching old war movies....(esp my dad). My parents best friends were jewish and so we always had great respect for jewish people. I used to think that i'd lived thru Hiroshima or Nagosaki because i have had NUMEROUS dreams of being in a nuclear war. I do not know why but i've dreamed very often of it and in such realistic detail. I also recall being dead so quick i thought i was still alive until i realized i could fly, etc. These dreams scare me but also amaze me because they give me hope of an afterlife.
god i digress....
interesting topics. and so i must research all i can about nazi germany and rwanda, africa to find similarities in their societies and therefore make my case whatever my "case" winds up being....such as there must be economic or social stress in the society for this to occur. Or there must be desperation and fear to allow it to continue. i dunno. sometimes i wish that god, if there is one, would come down here and just let us go back to the garden of eden where the lamb could lie back down with the lion and feel safe....where we could be innocent again. where there would be peace and beauty and love and not the ugly materialistic dirty nasty meanness that is reality. my heart sighs. my soul is sad.

George Harrison Playing Here Comes The Sun

Train - Calling All Angels

Three Days Grace - Never Too Late

Seether - Broken (Music Video) ft. Amy Lee

Evanescence - Call Me When You're Sober (Video)

Evanescence - Everybody's Fool (Video)

TORI AMOS live ME AND A GUN

Tori Amos - Little Earthquakes Live

Christina Perri - Jar of Hearts Official Video

Christina Perri "Jar Of Hearts" LIVE

my favorite new song "fuckin perfect" by Pink...

Total Chaos

I know it's been a while since I've written. Please don't expect me to be smart, or clever, or witty today. It's not that I'm in a BAD mood, its just there are SO many things going on, I feel like my brain is developing ADD!! At work, things have actually gotten better between our warring factions...we're more at peace and friendlier to each other, for the time being. People got hired, people got fired, and me? I can't seem to keep up lately. Every time I "fix" one problem, another pops up. People come to me left and right. Liza whats this? Can you read this doctor's handwriting? What's this mean? Can you help this patient? Do we accept this insurance? Why isnt this paid? and it goes on and on and on. I just want to be left alone sometimes. I mean, I LIKE to help people, but it's a constant barrage and i'm NOT a superviser or manager, so WHY OH WHY do people always come to ME???? ughhhh. I can't even walk in the halls or down the street without people asking me things. I must be either, EXTREMELY smart-looking, or Extremely helpful (prob the 2nd). Either way, it gets to be a bit much. The WORST is when I DONT KNOW THE ANSWER! oh how i HATE to say the words, "I don't know". Sometimes i find myself guessing into an answer, then i say, but i'm not sure, you might want to check on that. ?? really? is that an answer?? LOL What can i say? People think i'm a genius. Who am I to dissuade them??

Speaking of genius!!! I ran into my professor from last term, and I said, "Hi Jack".
He said, "Oh...hiiii, i miss you! you're brilliant". That made my day! By this I think he means he likes my writing, because we all know, i'm no goddamn genius. shhhh
Maybe he doesn't know that...hehehehe I'll definitely be taking another class with him, possibly next term, if he has any classes. Maybe I'll email him and ask him what class he's teaching for summer term...

On to more troubling news...

my poor 78 year old mother is having problems taking care of herself, my poor dad is trying to do it, but needs help. I feel bad but can't be there as much as I'd like to. Between trying to do overtime at work, class, kid, husband, house and home remodeling, and now the GYM, i don't have much time to spend with them. :( My mom is starting to lose her ability to do simple sentence structure. By this I mean when she's talking to me, it takes her a longggg time to finish her sentence because EVERY other word she forgets it. I am helping her remember common everyday words, which makes me extremely sad. My mother was always a bright, educated, talented, sharp tongued woman and to see her regress into a ditz really makes me sad. I shouldnt say ditz. Shame on me. As she ages she is losing her dignity and its sad and pathetic and annoying and depressing and the older she gets, the younger and more fragile she seems, almost like a baby who needs extra tender care. My dad is 12 years younger than my mom and is very tired of attending to her. Sometimes he can seem downright mean to her, but she CAN be difficult and it's not hard walking in his shoes either. But like I said to him, for years she had two jobs taking care of you and your children, and this house; now that its your turn you want to balk? No i dont think so sir. Recently they have a nurse and a physical therapist visit with her at least once or twice a week so that's good. I'd rather she go during the day to the senior center --just so she can have someone to talk to!! She's house-bound and that would drive ME insane....with hardly anyone to talk to since my dad works long hours....the senior center would pick her up, give her lunch, and she could hang out with the old folks, play her board games, but nooo she doesnt want to, she'd rather sit alone. Agoraphobic much?? I'd say so.

On the other end of the spectrum there's my daughter, who's 14 and her best friend just found out yesterday that she's pregnant. She's scared to death to tell her mom and grandmom and wants an abortion. After scoping things out today, my Scootle (daughter's nickname) and her friend realized this cannot be done without a parent's consent and alot of money. Needless to say its a scary, health and mind-threatening medical procedure that should not be undertaken by minors without an adult there to guide them and make sure they're not in some goddamn quack's office (case in point: the north philly abortion doctor with the office of frankenstein and the high-school drop out as the anesthesiologist). I'm glad in PA you need a parent's consent or a judge's waiver of it. At least you know your kid isnt out there without any help seeking a potentially dangerous procedure on her own!! sheeeeesh. I'm so glad this isnt my kid. My kid said to me, "Believe it or not mom, you did raise a smart kid". phewwww
Supposedly the friend is telling her mom tomorrow and wants my daughter there for support when she tells her family. eeks. JUNO this is NOT. ughhhh

On a lighter note, I've started an exercise plan at my local gym. I've actually gone monday and tuesday morning before 7 to work out. This is amazing to me since i am NOT a morning person...but somehow I manage to get up and drive the 30 blocks to this gym. The workout in the morning leaves my brain cleared and my mood elevated, so it does seem to be helping with stress already...i'm skipping tomorrow because my legs are killing me and need a rest from the treadmill, elliptical machine and stepper. I've taken so many tylenol over the last 24 hrs I might just be keeping that company in business with my gym chronicles. Speaking of gym chronicles, this morning as I walked in my nemesis was walking out. I cheerily said HI, and she barely answered me -- she was so shocked to see me. She was probably wondering why this fat chick is going to her gym...god i hate that girl. She's already got the degree I want and a cushy job to boot, which she takes advantage of along with her staff, i cannot freakin STAND her!!! evil nemesis named jen. begone bad spirit!!!!
I hope I dont run into her in the morning again. I dont think i can stomach being nice to her again. I might fucking ignore her next time. Yes, i will. Jeeze Liza, jealous much????

Other things lately: i went to my first Bat Mitzvah for my husband's cousin's kid in Maryland a couple weekends ago, and it was so awesome. The lil jew girl inside of me wanted to come out, but my husband, the irreverent child, was making fun with another cousin whilst i sat there with tears in my eyes. What can i say? Religious occasions make me emotional. People start talking about god and all the good things they want for their child, and i just LOSE IT. lol The party was freakin awesome. They must've spent a hundred grand on it!!

More later. Intruder.