Thursday, April 12, 2012

My Day to be Positive!!



That's my little Krusty Buddy. When we brought this cat in from the WILDS of the South Philly alley, he looked very crusty, dirty and sick. Now look how handsom he is! And look how plush his white fur is.

I know it's random, but today is a mental health day for me. No, I didn't take off from work, instead, I told myself from the moment I woke up: I am going to see things positive today! No whining, no weeping or wailing, no bitching and moaning; just : a pleasant day.  I had to consciously redirect my thoughts quite a few times, but I managed. Work was pleasant, home is pleasant and I'm grilling outside in my little cement yard on my laptop with my potted rosebushes surrounding me. One already has 13 buds on it!!!

Alot has happened since I last wrote. I have had alot going on in my personal and professional life, but it's too much to get into today. Instead of talking about this incessantly (my professional worries) i'll write them down so I don't get myself into too much of a tizzy.

I've pretty much observed that there are many things in life that are completely out of my control. Including my friends and family...i can't make anyone do anything, nor can i make them believe what they don't want to believe. A close friend of mine cut me off suddenly because of a misunderstanding She didnt even give me time to explain. At first I cried, then I got angry, now I'm just accepting what I cannot change. I apologized and made recompense. Hey, if it's good enough for god.....why isn't it good enough for YOU??? Eh, it is what it is and I cannot change it.  As fucked up as I sometimes believe I am, I am realizing that we all are a little sketchy; everyone has their hangups and mental/personality issues, and NO unfortunately Rodney King: We CANNOT all just get along.

Not unless, that is, we decide to care just a little less, be a little less egotistical, less aggressive, less assuming, more inquiring, more forgiving, slower to anger. As i wrote that last sentence i realized its structure wasnt quite correct, but you know what? I'm forgiving myself. I am allowing my ego to realize that I am NOT perfect, and never will be.

Someone I admire truly doubted my intelligence the other day. I mean, she totally said a smart person could get something over on me. While its true I'm not of the devious mindset, I am not stupid! I told her that I was sorry she felt that way, and that just because she believes its true, doesnt make it true. My ego was so brutually wounded, but I fought my way back out of depression and hurt, and pat myself on the back and said, you will come back from this...you will survive and thrive and noone can tell you who you are but YOU.

Well I'm rambling on, my grilled chicken is crying to come off the grill and the daylight is waning.


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